Get out of work free writing!

This week, as part of our persuasive writing, Mr Mitchell gave the Lantern Writing Group the task of persuading him for a 'get out of work free card'. Our writing had to be one paragraph, use a different range of sentence lengths, suitable/clear vocabulary, and be persuasive! This week's writing was a little different from previous weeks, however. We had no drafts - whatever you put in the box, you were assessed on.

Here is my writing!

On the side, you can see the assessments. 
For sentence structure, I believe I used different lengths of sentences, however I need to add more shorter, "power" sentences. I gave myself an R6.
For vocabulary, I believe I used cool, persuasive words that attracted my readers, as well as being clear in what I wanted. I gave myself an R6. Next time, I will focus on using more onomatopoeia and metaphors.
For punctuation, I believe I used a wide variety - for example, question marks, semi colons, em dashes, exclamation marks, commas, and full stops. 

I was proud of my writing this week; both my peer and I had the same assessment marks. It was a cool task that I was excited to complete! 
Thank you for reading, feel free to leave feedback in the comments below! :)