Saving Christmas: Short Narrative!

Prompt: When Santa stopped moving I knew it was up to me to save Christmas.

When Santa stopped moving I knew it was up to me to save Christmas. I stood in horror, eyes gaping at the sight in front of me. Santa, still dressed up in his red and white suit, was sprawled across the floorboards, surrounded by broken presents, loud snores coming from the back of his throat and his continually rising chest.

It was December 24th, Christmas morning only one hour away, and a whole herd of impatient reindeer leaving hoofprints in the snow outside. There was no way Santa could possibly deliver the entire world presents… and I knew what I had do.

Pulling on my thickest red jacket, red sweatpants and Mum’s black ugg boots, as well as a Santa hat draped over the banister, I headed out through the front door. What I saw was breathtaking. Amongst the flakes of snow slowly drifting from the dark night sky, in the front yard, stood all of Santa’s reindeer. Rudolph was stationed at the front, bright red nose flashing in the darkness.

“Santa’s just taking a nap,” I reassured them, shivering once before climbing onto the red and gold velvet seat of Santa’s sleigh. The whole thing was adorned in holly leaves and jingle bells. A small, red, velvet sack with various wrapped presents filled to the brim was slumped next to me in the sleigh, and as the reindeers began to run with their tall legs and hooves through the night sky, I was surprised by the fact it was a never-ending supply of gifts!

Grinning wildly as I realised I had just discovered Santa’s infamous secret, the reindeer soared through the sky to land on the roofs of all houses. I snuck down the chimney of each house in America. I gave them all a load of presents, sitting royally underneath the Christmas tree and in the red stockings of each child. Dusting off black ash before returning to the sleigh, Santa’s reindeer soon soared even higher through the night sky, and as the oceans whizzed past below us, we were soaring on top of the world, through countries, over continents, swooping down past islands and around skyscrapers.

Before long, the slightest hints of yellow and orange colours formed across the horizon, and soon the majestic reindeer had returned to my roof, Rudolph’s nose shining bright as we finally landed. At the door stood a grinning Santa; looking ever so happy with his red cheeks and grey beard, greeting me - and the reindeer, of course - with a loud laugh and tight embrace.

“Thank you for saving Christmas, my dear boy!” he said cheerfully, in a voice only Santa would be expected to have. He pulled out a present from behind, and as I ripped it open speechlessly, what was underneath the bright red and white Christmas wrapping was better than what I could have ever imagined.

“Oh, Santa! Thank you so much!”

In my arms, yapping with the excitement of a boy in a candy shop, was a small white puppy. I stroked it’s ears lovingly as it nuzzled into the crook of my arm. Looking up to thank Santa once again, I was startled to see that all that was left were faint hoof marks in the fresh, powdery snow. And as the sun rose, the sky the colour of lilacs and cotton candy, Santa and his beautiful reindeer sped through the sky, past the heavens to return to the beautiful, snowy landscape of his home, the North Pole.

I really had saved Christmas!



Prompt: I knew that if I stood really still they wouldn’t suspect I wasn’t a real Christmas tree.

Hundreds of unsuspecting shoppers walked by, the occasional person stopping to look at the huge Christmas set up. It was just my luck that my Uncle had gotten me a job at Thanksgiving - however, a Christmas tree was not what I had in mind. 
An entire three hours of standing perfectly still, in a hot Christmas tree suit… for only $40! Not only that, but I was mounted to a platform and couldn’t move. I hated it. 
Swivelling my eyeballs in the direction of the clock, and seeing I had another hour to go, sighed. Another kid came up to me, gasping something about Christmas being his favourite time of the year. However, he was abruptly cut off by a piercing siren - and the thick scent of smoke filling the air. It was a fire!
Panicked shoppers began to rush out of the shopping centre, store owners shutting their doors quickly and mall wardens trying to calm everyone. On the outside I stayed still but on the inside I was screaming! Some of the other Christmas workers began to run out, even Santa Claus! I couldn’t move! The mall was emptying so fast no one could save me.
“HELP! HELP! I’M STUCK!” I shouted, my voice echoing through the now-deserted mall. The sirens continued, black smoke pooling around the seats of the food court at the edge of my vision. I wasn’t expecting a voice back, the smoke was beginning to fill up the whole building and the sirens were wailing like there was no tomorrow. However, it was my total surprise when someone yelled back.
“CHRISTMAS TREE!”
“SANTA!”
Santa Claus was bounding towards me, black boots thudding against the ground as he came nearer. He quickly unlocked me, picking me up in his surprisingly-strong grip.
As the roof came crashing down in a ball of fire and fury, Santa Claus carried me out of the shopping centre, screaming “SINNERS!” 
So that’s why I will never visit my Uncle again on Thanksgiving. 

Character Profile Writing | My Best Friend

First draft:

Thesis: 
It is with no question, that my best friend Samantha Roger is no short of interesting and unique. 

Physical Description:
Long, wavy, dirty blonde hair cascades past her shoulders; blue eyes like swimming pools that you can dive in and get lost in forever. Her skin is light, like the colour of snow - soft and pale. 

Behaviour:
Samantha, in most means, an introvert. Kept to herself, in a dark corner of her room, as she talks to her friends online, all distractions from the outside world blocked out, just how she prefers. She takes time as she focuses on writing her fantasy novels, or perhaps shading in a particular area as she sketches. When surrounded by friends, Samantha is loud and outgoing, pleasurable to be around - however when the curtains are drawn everything goes back to where it was again. 

Reputation:
To people outside of her respectable friendship ring, Samantha may seem drawn in and shy - attributes shared rather evenly between her accompanists. Inside the group, however, it is clear to see that she’s not always what she seems. Having a reputation as the ‘good girl’ of the group, which shows in and around the classroom, Samantha is giggly and girly, cheerful yet mature, known for her talented sketches, the carefully-woven words of her fantasy novels, and of course, love of the Hamilton musical!

Artefacts:
It is a rarity to see Samantha without her trusty sketchbook, and her love for art shows this. Another possession is her Chromebook, which she does everything in, much like a journal holding secrets. On weekends she will sport coloured eye shadow and a bright lip, on weekdays her face is clean and bare. Makeup is yet another treasure to her; having owning chests of powders, creams and shadows - and it is this that makes Samantha truly unique. 

Thesis Confirmed:
It is with these facts, skills and attributes of Samantha Rogers, that I certainly believe she is an interesting and unique personality; and I am blessed to have her in my life. 

Feedback: 

Thesis feedback from Nadia:

Hi Jaime, I really like how this is a very short and simple start to your character portrait! This is a great start! One thing that you could change are the words that you used (interesting and unique) I think that you could use different vocab for this particular part.

Physical description feedback from Nadia:

I like the range of vocab that you have used, but I think that you could use a different range of sentence structure in your description.

Behaviour feedback from Nadia:

You have described Samantha's behaviour very well, one thing that I think that you could change is the size of your sentences. I notice that you use the same amount of words in your sentences. Maybe you could change this.

Reputation feedback from Nadia:

I really like how you describe Sam’s reputation, but I think that you could use different vocab just to paint a more vivid  picture.

Artefacts feedback from Nadia:

I absolutely love how you wrote this paragraph, you have used a great range of vocabulary. Great job.

Thesis confirmed from Nadia:

This is also very good, a great finish to a great picture of words.

I used Nadia's feedback to then construct my final piece of writing. I made sure to edit my sentence length and replace some of my boring words with interesting ones, using a thesaurus.

It is with no question, that my best friend, Samantha Rogers is no short of quirky, ingenious, compelling and unique.

Long, wavy, dirty blonde hair cascades elegantly past her shoulders. Her sparkling blue eyes are like swimming pools that you can dive in and get lost in forever. Her skin is soft, pale and light, like the colour of snow.

Samantha, in most means, is an introvert, tending to keep to herself. Often she is found in a dark corner of her room, as she talks to her friends online, all distractions from the outside world blocked out. This is just how she prefers it. Samantha takes time as she focuses on writing her fantasy novels, or perhaps shading in a particular area as she sketches. When surrounded by friends, Samantha is loud and outgoing, pleasurable to be around. However, when the curtains are drawn, everything goes back to where it was again.

To people outside of her respectable friendship ring, at first glance Samantha could perhaps seem drawn in and apprehensive - attributes divided amongst her friends. Inside the group, however, it is clear to see that she’s not always what she seems. Having a reputation as the ‘good girl’ of the group, which shows not only inside the classroom, but also in those rares occurrences when she dares to step outside her house. Samantha is giggly and fun-loving, preppy yet mature. She is known for her sketches, the carefully-woven words of her Wattpad fantasy novels, and of course, fondness for the Hamilton musical. Don’t forget her love for the quirky personalities of YouTubers Thomas Sanders and Dodie Clark, either!

Samantha has a passion for art, and the black leather sketchbook always tucked safely under the crook of her arm proves this. Another possession of hers is her Chromebook, which she does everything and anything on, no fail, much like a journal holding secrets. On weekends she will sport coloured eyeshadow and a bright lip colour, but on schooldays her face is immaculately clean and bare. Makeup is yet another treasure for her; having owning chests of powders, creams and shadows. It is this that makes Samantha truly creative and distinguished.

It is with these facts, skills and attributes of Samantha Rogers, that I certainly stand by my belief that she has an interesting, quirky, and unique personality. I am immensely thankful to have Samantha as such an amazing friend for the past nine years.

I then gave myself a self assessment using a Writing Rubric. I gave myself an R5 for both sentences and vocabulary because I believe that I could have used a larger variety of sentences, and better words. However, I gave myself an R7 for punctuation as I believe I used a large range of it correctly.

"The Boat Docked In a Moonlit Harbour" Writing

Draft: “The Boat Docked in a Moonlit Harbour”

When my friends came back from school holidays, having spent time sailing the sparkling seas, mind full of fascinating tales about their experiences, I couldn’t relate to any of it. The truth is, I hadn’t stepped foot on a boat for an entire twelve years of my life, as the most ‘sea sailing’ I’d done was crouching in a kayak beached on the saturated sand of Pegasus Bay. So when I found myself in the passenger seat of my Dad’s truck, as he backed it onto the Bluebridge Ferry docked in Picton Harbour two Sundays ago, I couldn’t but feel uneasy; yet somewhat eager for the events to come, waiting expectantly on the horizon.

The tires squealed to a halt. Dad pulled the key from the ignition, killing the engine off as workers sporting hi-vis vests fastened the truck onto the walls with hooks. I remembered his words prior to this - ‘there are trucks all around us so we’d need to get out fast.’ - and I found his statement to be true. Clambering out of the truck, I observed as the vehicles were packed together like sausages, with even more driving on. The deck was dark and cold, water dripping down the walls and from pipes.

Dad and I squeezed past bumpers and headlights, before finally reaching a door marked ‘Passenger entry’ - and suddenly, I realised I was finally on a proper boat.

“I’m so nervous,” I remarked to Dad, gazing up at the enormous flights of stairs standing before us. “There’s nothing to be worried about,” he muttered, being the ‘experienced sailor’ he’s become, as we began trudging up the stairway, the boat’s engines rumbling and quivering ominously below us.

The bag on my shoulder felt like I was holding a boulder and my legs felt like fire, reaching the top of the stairs breathlessly. In front of us was what I guessed to be the lounge room and cafe; a swanky, dimly-lit area occupied by only a few passengers, truckers, and workers. Beyond enormous glass windows was a breathtaking view of the Marlborough Sounds in front of us, Picton Harbour casting a pale light to illuminate the gentle waves. My father purchased the ticket and meal, before the boat’s safety announcement swept us off onto the top deck, to watch us depart.

“Are you excited?” Dad asked, pushing open the heavy door. “Yeah,” I grinned eagerly, stepping out onto the deck. The floor was slippery underneath us, the wind bitter-cold; sharp against my cheek like a knife. A steep flight of stairs lead us both to the top deck. It was even colder up here, as if it was even possible. The views from the top deck were magnificent; Picton Harbour lit up behind us magically, and all at once, an unusual sensation rippled across the boat, lurching once before beginning to slowly move swiftly through the sounds. I took a deep breath, standing at the icy bars of the railing and gazing out at the night sky; knowing that this was only the fragile beginning of my amazing adventure.

After completing my draft, my writing buddy Nadia read it over and wrote some helpful feedback. 

This is my final piece of my writing. I used Nadia's feedback, as well as mistakes I found while proofreading, to write it. 

Final: “The Boat Docked in a Moonlit Harbour”

When my friends came back from school holidays, having spent time sailing the sparkling seas, mind full of enchanting tales about their experiences, I couldn’t possibly find myself relating to any of it. The truth is, I hadn’t stepped foot, let alone sailed on a boat for the first twelve years of my life. I was so inexperienced in fact, that the most ‘sea sailing’ I’d done was sitting in an old kayak beached on the saturated sand of Pegasus Bay. So as I found myself in the passenger seat of my Dad’s moving truck, as he backed it onto the Bluebridge Ferry docked in Picton Harbour two Sundays ago, I couldn’t but feel uneasy; yet somewhat eager for the evening’s events to come, waiting expectantly on the horizon.

The tires squealed to a halt. Dad pulled the key from the ignition, killing the engine off as workers sporting bright, hi-vis vests clipped the truck to the walls with hooks, with a large CLANG! I remembered his words from just a few hours ago. “There are trucks all around us,” he’d said. “-so we’ll need to get out fast.” I found his statement to be completely honest. Clumsily clambering down from the truck, I observed as the vehicles were packed together like sausages. Somewhere behind me, the boat jolted, an engine roaring. ‘Another truck,’ I guessed, trying not to let myself become too nervous. The car deck was dark and unusually cold, steady streams of water dripping like blood down the tall concrete walls. This made my stomach churn; I was definitely feeling more afraid now.

Dad and I squeezed past the dark sea of bumpers and headlights, the bitter smell of gasoline thick in the air. Finally approaching a door marked ‘Passenger entry’, the boat swaying slightly, it dawned on me that I was finally on the boat, and I couldn’t possibly be more petrified.  

“I’m so nervous,” I remarked to no one in particular. Gazing up at the enormous flights of stairs standing before us, he said: “There’s nothing to be worried about,” being the ‘experienced sailor’ he so obviously is. Rolling my eyes, we began trudging up the stairway, footsteps echoing, the boat’s fiery engines rumbling ominously below us.

The bag slung lazily across my shoulder felt like a ton of bricks and my legs burned as if they had been set alight, as we reached the top of the stairs breathlessly. In front of us was what I guessed to be the lounge room and cafe. It was a swanky, dimly-lit area, occupied by only a few passengers, truckers, and workers, more trickling in as the time ticked on. Beyond enormous glass windows in front of it, was a breathtaking view of the Marlborough Sounds in front of us, Picton Harbour casting a pale light to illuminate the gentle waves. ‘Behold the view,’ - fateful words from a book I’d read only months earlier circulated in my head. I crept towards the magnificent sight in awe. My father purchased the ticket, wolfing down the small meal quickly. It was only the boat’s safety announcement that would sweep us off to the top deck, to observe our departure in full glory.

“Are you excited?” Dad asked, pushing open the heavy metal doors
.

“I guess,” I grinned eagerly, before stepping out onto the deck behind him.

The ground was slippery with water underneath my boots, the Picton wind bitter-cold and sharp; cutting menacingly against my cheek like a knife. A steep flight of stairs lead to the top deck. I quickly discovered it to be even colder up here, as if it that was possible. The views from the top deck were magnificent; Picton Harbour lit up behind us magically, and all at once, an unusual sensation rippled across the boat, lurching once before beginning to slowly move swiftly towards, and through, the Marlborough Sounds. I took a deep breath of relief, exhaling and watching dense swirls of pale mist erupt in front of me.

I stood at the icy bars of the railing, gazing out at the captivating night sky and the stars that twinkled above me... knowing that this was only the fragile beginning of my unbelievably-incredible journey. It was my first experience on a boat, and I was incredible lucky to spend it with my Dad.

I then gave myself an assessment based on a writing rubric. For punctuation I gave myself an R7, for sentence structure I gave myself an R5, and for vocabulary I gave myself an R6. I believe I used a range of different punctuation correctly, and an extensive range of vocab that I wouldn't use in punctuation. I gave myself an R5 for sentence structure because I believe I could have used a bit of a larger range.

I also included many other details including an onomatopoeia. 

I was given the same ranks by both my buddy and Mr Mitchell, however I underestimated my rank for sentence structure. 

Thank you to Nadia and Mr Mitchell or giving me such lovely feedback! It is appreciated :) 

Get out of work free writing!

This week, as part of our persuasive writing, Mr Mitchell gave the Lantern Writing Group the task of persuading him for a 'get out of work free card'. Our writing had to be one paragraph, use a different range of sentence lengths, suitable/clear vocabulary, and be persuasive! This week's writing was a little different from previous weeks, however. We had no drafts - whatever you put in the box, you were assessed on.

Here is my writing!

On the side, you can see the assessments. 
For sentence structure, I believe I used different lengths of sentences, however I need to add more shorter, "power" sentences. I gave myself an R6.
For vocabulary, I believe I used cool, persuasive words that attracted my readers, as well as being clear in what I wanted. I gave myself an R6. Next time, I will focus on using more onomatopoeia and metaphors.
For punctuation, I believe I used a wide variety - for example, question marks, semi colons, em dashes, exclamation marks, commas, and full stops. 

I was proud of my writing this week; both my peer and I had the same assessment marks. It was a cool task that I was excited to complete! 
Thank you for reading, feel free to leave feedback in the comments below! :) 

Persuading my teacher for food!

Persuasive Writing Week 3 

This week we were given the task on writing a letter, persuading our teacher Mr Mitchell to shout us food on Friday. The most perusasive letter from each writing group would win a $5 tuckshop voucher. I have written and self-assessed my writing, I am glad to share it with you. 

As you definitely already know, being the most cleverest teacher there is, food is an essential, crucial area of my life. From breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every human, plant, or animal, I require food to live happy and healthily. However, is nutrition everything food is great for? The answer is simply, absolutely not.

When an individual such as you or me consume food, it increases their energy levels enormously! There is no reason at all for you to be forced to have to deal with a disrespectful, lifeless, unfocused and hungry student -- like me. Without just a quick snack at interval or lunchtime, my concentration and focus levels would decrease at staggering levels! Poor concentration leads to a lack of learning, listening, and brain function - undoubtedly leading to poorly uneducated students that you will just be forced to reteach, next year. What kind of reputation would that pose on yourself as a teacher? It’s not only essential to kindly shout me food, but it is simply plain stupid to put that kind of stress and guilt on yourself!

As a busy, hard-working teacher, stress is a terrible, self-degrading, mental tension that I’m confident you will be familiar with. You know the feeling; high anxiety, tension in the muscles, all different types of terrible, unideal symptoms, the list goes on. Well, wouldn’t it be absolutely appalling if your unkindness, unwillingness, and lack of qualities as a good human towards a student lead them to become extremely-stressed and fatigued? You would cause nothing but widely-reduced academic levels on your own, typically-brilliant student -- not only that, but terrible, long-lasting mental health problems.

On edge about your own stress levels? Well, giving me, and me only, food, would be a simple yet extremely beneficial act of kindness and passion. Scientifical research proves that this one-time-only act will definitely increase your happiness; and decrease stress levels majorly.

In conclusion, and to put it in the simplest form; shouting me, an amazing student, a free lunch for one day only, would lead to a happy, respectful, concentrated, well-educated student, and a happy, stress-free day for yourself.

Plus, I’m currently horribly crippled, so you’re really just helping me out.

For my sentence structure, I gave myself an R6. I believe my writing consists of a unique range of sentence lengths; varying from short sentences, to compound sentences, to more complex sentences. In my final draft, I am striving to strengthen my long sentences without rambling.

For my vocabulary, I have given myself an R6. I believe my words express clear, precise information to really persuade Mr Mitchell. Next time I could work on including some onomatopoeia or metaphors, to really draw my readers in.  

So what do you think of my writing? Feel free to write your comments and feedback down below, I love receiving them! What would you give me for my vocab and sentence structure, and would you buy me lunch?

Adidas Perusasive Writing - Week 10

This week we were given the task of writing a paragraph to advertise global sportswear brand Adidas. This is my writing. 

Sport, leisure, and recreational activities are progressively becoming much more common in the daily lives of citizens of all ages, including yours. Whether you’re just playing for a rural sport club, training for the Olympics, or simply searching to earn status, Adidas has the best products for you. 

Adidas has been a staple in best-selling, worldwide sports and casualwear, for decades. With over 66 years of experience and remarkable global sales, Adidas offers an enormous, immensely high-quality range of sportswear, casual wear, and fitness accessories. Because of all of this, we guarantee our products are sure to have heads turning your way! 

Looking for reliable, suitable fitness gear without looking like a gym rat? Adidas promotes that! Searching for a cozy pair of durable running shoes? Adidas offers them! Longing for some trendy clothes and accessories, like Kylie Jenner? Adidas sells every article of clothing you could imagine - and much, much more! Perhaps you aren’t a sports fanatic, and are simply looking for casual clothing and sensational shoes to impress your friends. Well, hurry down to Adidas for this instantly! It has the absolute best, lowest prices, for the highest quality, trendiest and newest gear; compared to all of its competitors! Don’t get left behind! Earn those results you’ve been anticipating. Get your game on with Adidas! 

Founded 67 years ago and still going strong. Adidas. One of the most popular sports companies in the world. Shoes, clothes and even more Adidas has it all. Available in every size, you are guaranteed to find your perfect fit for everything. There are aisles full of things incredible things that even David Beckham would wear! You want cheaper prices, we have them! We offer a huge range of products just waiting for you. Shoes, Clothes, and even more, Adidas has it all! Adidas, with all your sport needs.

 After writing, we had to mark our use of vocabulary and our range of different sentence structures using a success criteria rubric. 

For vocabulary, I gave myself at R6. I believe my writing really described Adidas's products well without confusion. I gave specific, clear, helpful information to really persuade my readers.

 For sentence structure, I gave my writing an R6. I believe my information was clear and I used a range of different sentences lengths to hook the reader is, make my writing less boring, and pleasing to read. For my next steps I will work on strengthening my shorter sentences, as they are the sentence type I am least confident of using. 

There is my writing! I hope you enjoyed reading it, and you were somewhat persuaded to buy Adidas! I enjoy writing persuasively and believe advertising is an interesting topic to learn and write about. So what do you think? What marks would you give my writing? Feel free to leave feedback down below.

My Writing Task - Fair Day

This week as part of our writing we were assigned to write the beginning paragraph based on the picture below. 




I visited a marking rubric once or twice to see what I could do to improve my writing and get top marks. On my self assessment I gave myself a R7 for punctuation and R6 for vocabulary. 


I stood in awe; taking it all in.

Standing in the centre of the crowd, eyes closed, chin up; contemplating the sights, the smells, the feeling. The tantalizing, sweet scent of sugary sweets and inventive fried food wafted in the gentle breeze, finding it’s way to the front of my nostrils, tempting me to visit the stalls that lined the bustling walkway of eager, photo-snapping visitors beside me. Somewhere in the distance behind me, I heard the faint whirring of the enormous, glowing ferris wheel as tall as a skyscraper, spinning slow circles; it looked over the fairgrounds like a Godzilla laced with creaking metal bars and wires. The rattling Ghost Train ride not so far from that sounded like gravel going through a woodchipper; rough and unsteady. Above me the sky was a beautiful light shade of blue, only few, fluffy cotton candy-like clouds littered the horizon. My eyes snapped open momentarily as I felt a small jolt by my hip. A muffled “Sorry!” shooting from the sauce-smothered mouth of a little kid as bumped into my side. I watched on as he teetered down through the crowd twice his height, behind his quick-paced companions; off to find another thrill. The first-day-of-summer weather was rather hot; but surprisingly, the unfamiliar searing country heat didn’t seem to phase me. Visiting this cotton-candy covered, buttery kingdom was the one of the best times of my life.

I am proud of this piece of writing. It was an interesting picture to base it on and it was fun coming up with the words to describe the taste, smells and feelings. I think I used good words and used more advanced puncuation than I usually would.

Orangutan Writing Task

This week we were assigned to write a paragraph based on the thoughts of this orangutan pictured below. Our learning objectives were to use an interesting vocabulary and correct puncuation.

Tiny and trembling in the icy rain, the young orangutan sat with his brown furry knees up to his chest, only a thin, battered olive-green leaf he’d found on the jungle floor beneath him to protect him from most of the rain bucketing down. The infantile, helpless creature remained still, silent and alone on the damp log, the pattering of the rain against the leaf above his head arising louder and stronger. His brown fur was completely soaked, his petrified but soft brown eyes were glassy and gazing out upon the rainforest, trying to brave through the wild elements swirling around him.

This was going to be a rough day.