My Writing Task - Fair Day

This week as part of our writing we were assigned to write the beginning paragraph based on the picture below. 




I visited a marking rubric once or twice to see what I could do to improve my writing and get top marks. On my self assessment I gave myself a R7 for punctuation and R6 for vocabulary. 


I stood in awe; taking it all in.

Standing in the centre of the crowd, eyes closed, chin up; contemplating the sights, the smells, the feeling. The tantalizing, sweet scent of sugary sweets and inventive fried food wafted in the gentle breeze, finding it’s way to the front of my nostrils, tempting me to visit the stalls that lined the bustling walkway of eager, photo-snapping visitors beside me. Somewhere in the distance behind me, I heard the faint whirring of the enormous, glowing ferris wheel as tall as a skyscraper, spinning slow circles; it looked over the fairgrounds like a Godzilla laced with creaking metal bars and wires. The rattling Ghost Train ride not so far from that sounded like gravel going through a woodchipper; rough and unsteady. Above me the sky was a beautiful light shade of blue, only few, fluffy cotton candy-like clouds littered the horizon. My eyes snapped open momentarily as I felt a small jolt by my hip. A muffled “Sorry!” shooting from the sauce-smothered mouth of a little kid as bumped into my side. I watched on as he teetered down through the crowd twice his height, behind his quick-paced companions; off to find another thrill. The first-day-of-summer weather was rather hot; but surprisingly, the unfamiliar searing country heat didn’t seem to phase me. Visiting this cotton-candy covered, buttery kingdom was the one of the best times of my life.

I am proud of this piece of writing. It was an interesting picture to base it on and it was fun coming up with the words to describe the taste, smells and feelings. I think I used good words and used more advanced puncuation than I usually would.